last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
