Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
