Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
