i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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