"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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