thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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