At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
