FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
