I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
