theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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