you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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