Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
