Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
