i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
