I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
