You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
