Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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