May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
