standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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