i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
