I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
