they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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