I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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