did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
