I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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