it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
