You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
