I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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