I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
