no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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