cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
