I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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