you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
