the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
