I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
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it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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