Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
