i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
