Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
