We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you win again, gameday.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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