when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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