had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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