so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
