Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
