So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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