your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
