I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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