Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
