I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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