Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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