Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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