He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i think i have herpe
just one?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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