im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
