Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
