I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
