sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
