she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
