Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
...so i touched it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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