they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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