I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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