I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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