I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize