she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
