she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
