dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize